limbo, far south of certainty

I made chocolate truffles today. Just felt like I needed something. My parents, who were visiting, left us yesterday to fly back across the ocean to their normal. There is now that little empty space that’s always there once we part which at the minute I’m trying to fill with chocolate. I didn’t actually get to rolling the truffles in cocoa, so I’m licking gobs of untruffled truffle goo off of a spoon.

(“Hey,” says Alex, “you told me to ask you about doing situps. Wanna do situps?”

In my blogging lapse I can’t remember what I’ve explained, if anything, regarding our future plans so I’ll sum up: in six weeks we leave Oxford after three big years. The Scholar will have submitted his doctoral thesis, we’ll have steam-cleaned the carpets and cried all over the church.  We’ll tear ourselves away and return to the United States for the next year or two while we train and raise funds and get down to the business of launching at last. (See this) Here’s the rub: though we have prayed diligently and striven sweatily to find the right spot to settle we don’t yet know where we’re headed. We’ve even made the decision a few times–and doors have suddenly closed. It’s unexpected. It’s difficult. We’ve come to the very edge of the beam.  Alex, me, and three happy little poppets under 5 and no one has a plan except Harriet, who wants to go to Bethlehem.

I began studying Proverbs lately. Call me dense (I am) but I could not believe how perfectly fitting it is for a family in our situation. I actually chose to study it because the Mum’s Bible study I’ve been a part of for three years will be studying it this autumn without me and I felt left out. It wasn’t about building my faith. But suddenly all the verses about wisdom and direction seems like just the stuff to feed the troops. This sounds like wisdom I need, think I. How do I begin?

“The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom (1:7) . . . For the LORD gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding (2:6) . . . Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths (3:5-6).”

So I can be working on letting God be God, in our arrogant human phrase. The path is up to him.



This entry was posted in Keep Calm and Carry On. Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to limbo, far south of certainty

  1. Rachel says:

    Maybe you’ll end up in Oklahoma City!! (we love it here) If you do end up here, you must check out our church City Presbyterian. It’s a new church plant that is growing like crazy. I hope your days are filled with peace among the uncertainty your destination.

  2. teamtabb says:

    Aside from helping me understand how you are these days (you know I’m praying for you), this post is really well written. The English teacher in me ate it up! And — yes, trusting in the Lord sounds like a good place to be. Always. Miss you!

  3. Caitlin says:

    I like Harriet’s plan. I also like the mental image I got of you licking truffle batter off of a spoon and Alex innocently asking about situps. For one so brilliant. . .

    Hi Alex! 🙂

    I’m praying for you and I eagerly anticipate seeing the Lord’s next move in your life. He withholds no good thing.

  4. Caitlin says:

    PS I also eagerly anticipate our next Skype date. . .

  5. therigneys says:

    Perhaps Harriet’s desire has a double meaning? 😉 Love to you, B.

  6. Peggy says:

    We are praying for you and love you!! A Mum’s Proverbs study sounds wonderful..want to come and lead one for us?! 🙂 May the Lord continue to direct your paths into the love and peace of Christ.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s